Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
