So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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