do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize