I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
