I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
