I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
