forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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