Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
