I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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