The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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