How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
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He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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