I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
