Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
this boner is exhausting
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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