Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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