im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
