all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
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Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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