You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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