There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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