What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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