No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I forget how to act sober
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
