maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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