What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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