Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
