Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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