I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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