you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
