Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
