last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
