Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Randomize
