Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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