Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
PS: I just woke up from my shower
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
