i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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