i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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