I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
