how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
