return my video game
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Randomize
