i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You took a bar mat shot.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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