I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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