Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
