when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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