she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
