I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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