i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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