I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
