I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Oh god it's open bar.
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