I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
