She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???