lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?