This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
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were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
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Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?