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• (818): View more from California

  I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life

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• (407): View more from Florida

  Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.

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• (514): View more from Quebec

  She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses

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• (650): View more from California

  We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.

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• (925): View more from California

  She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set

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• (931): View more from Tennessee

  I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.

  (917): View more from New York City

  Gotta love Minnesota

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled

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• (743): View more from

  Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.

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