The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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