dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
