Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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