I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Acid is not a monday night drug
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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