and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
