Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
