I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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