I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
