What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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