It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
