I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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