I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
this hospital has no fireball
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
