is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
