So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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