need another drink. this is the easiest way
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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