That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
