Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize