I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
