you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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