you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
