Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
