it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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