I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
