when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
