i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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