I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
