i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
