It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
