I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
this hospital has no fireball
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
