My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
